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May 10th, 2009
10:46 pm - Occams Razor
We all know what it means. that the simplest answer is more than likely to be the correct one.
I do not believe that it is simpler for a body to have a soul. than it is for life to exist without a soul.
There is a physical universe. Anything else is only the product of our minds.
Like software.
But this is not what i am curious about, what i am curious about is why we search for satisfaction in something we do not possess. Possess is not quite the correct term, for this thing does not exist and therefore cannot be possessed by the physical objects which are us.
So what is this Unreal thing inside us and where does it come from? How has it evolved?
I desire to fit into something bigger than myself. while still being identifiably my own.
to be an individual amongst the Borg.
We are social creatures raised in societies. but I am Me.
Mesa outsa here
Current Location: Orion Arm, Milky Way Galaxy
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/cold.gif) cold
Current Music: Final Death Note Movie
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May 6th, 2009
03:27 am - Really?
If there is no real meaning to life and that i only exist to perpetuate my genetic line.
Do i honestly believe that i will do so? That children will be borne unto me.
I have to say i am kinda sceptical. I mean i have have practiced the act, but the act and the practice are two wholly different things. and methinks that i will die old and alone. Mourned, but not by my family, but my friends. For they are my True Family.
Thank You Friends. You Are What Makes Me Continue.
Current Location: Orion Arm, Milky Way Galaxy
Current Music: Yodas futile arguements
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April 26th, 2009
11:50 pm - Hmmm, Maybe
Perhaps i actually just scared of what it is i think.
I wonder why that would be.
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11:26 pm - Todays Ponderation
I don't think i have a soul. Or at least i do not believe that a soul exists.
This may just be a logical extension of my previous axioms, so if i have come to a wrong conclusion somewhere previous then i am wrong now.
However i am not convinced that my previous judgements were flawed, so i shall proceed.
I am a bundle of meat, chemical reactions, controlling hormones and nerves. Too over simplify.
I have a bunch of things programmed into me from the beginning; Puberty, Hair Colour, Sexual Preference &c.
These things combined with the experiences i have had come together to create me as i currently stand.
What i don't understand, is where a soul fits into all this.
Normally i would be refered to art at this point.
However to appreciate art i must be able to appreciate it.
It must engender desires or emotions that i can relate to and understand.
My father would not look at a Royo and consider it beautiful. He would see the hot chick but the accoutrement's and the background would be but fuzz. Because he understands the sex but not the whole dark/goth look.
The same with comedy. Family Guy would mostly go over his head. This does not mean that it is not funny or that he has no sense of humour.
Perhaps a persons soul is the summations of there beliefs. Because this is a 'Higher' set of reasons on which they base there decisions and therefore there actions.
I hate writing, it is so very draining. Pornographic or Philosophical i can only write for half an hour before i have to stop.
Thought Based OverDrive or Hormonal Change. Same thing really.
Current Location: Same place, different time
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/confused.gif) confused
Current Music: Metalizer - Sabaton
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April 20th, 2009
11:49 pm - My Favourite Regret
If I had one single wish, it would be to have my life again, but to have been born a girl instead of a boy.
Tis not that I hate my life, tis that I don't feel i should have the parts I have or wear the clothes I wear.
I would donate the spirit of my cock to someone who needs it.
Not sure who is in need of a nine inch cock, but they would be welcome to it.
So if you are capable of granting my wish and have use for the reward, then please contact me.
Current Location: The Wrong Skin
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/crushed.gif) crushed
Current Music: Cannibal Corpse - Severed Head Stoning
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April 19th, 2009
12:28 am - Yo Again
How is it that lonliness can strike even whilst surrounded by people?
Actually i had an odd moment today.
I was walking through the city centre, and Mars, Bringer of War came on and as it did i felt myself changing.
I wanted these people to burn, to feel what suffering was like, to know that what they currently lived was the good life.
These fools, they parade around in there outfits trying to fit into there groups as if they did not fit into any group and this was all they had.
perhaps we have become too liberal as a nation. We let our government (at all levels) walk all over us and we do not get angry.
When people should be punished (those stupid bloody bankers) they are given money and told not to do it again.
I am aware of the economic cycle, and that this has been coming for a long time (wheat prices fell a while ago which is a sure sign of an impending economic downturn) however noone did anything.
Civil servants spend decades in there positions, if anyone should have seen the signs it was them and yet they did nothing.
A man comes to power and promises us an election, we did not get one. yet noone is complaining.
The media feeds us watered down wine to keep us quiet and sugars it with lies and pretty pictures to keep us buying them and there cohorts stuff.
Too many firemen and not enough cleansing fires.
We are weak in morals, spirit and spine. Tens of men die for there country and we declare it a travesty. I declare it to be the only noble gesture we have left.
To die for ones god is foolish, to die for ones people. That is true nobility.
we buy baubles and mosiacs and hope that these will display our true selves and this is true.
however when we have many baubles, they lose there significance and nothing become but a show of wealth.
Impress me not with your baubles but with your machines. Soft or hard it is irrelevant. As long as the limits of capability are pushed back further still.
In fact my perfect society would be akin to that of the Spartans (including some of there injustices) but instead of mercenaries, let us produce scientists and engineers.
Biochemistry, Robotics, Computing, Electronics and Electrics. These are a few of my favourite things.
Current Location: Orion Arm, Milky Way Galaxy
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/frustrated.gif) frustrated
Current Music: Alien Sex Fiend - I Walk The Line
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April 16th, 2009
08:23 pm - Good Days and there flip sides.
When suicidal thoughts proffer themselves, as they are wont to do.
Generally we dismiss them, cos society says we shouldnt be killing ourselves.
Tis an injustice to the rest of the world and the world is denied it retribution (which is perhaps the aim)
However if you have had a good day or just a day filled with random little moments.
Feel free to kill yourself.
Just please, dont go out on a bad day.
If you let a bad day get to you, then you have been proven to be weaker than most others in the world, as they can handle bad days.
This weakness (possibly percieved) will mean you are pathetic. A trait that is to be avoided at all costs.
So go out on a good day.
Thank you.
Current Location: Nu-Home
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Same Old.
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March 17th, 2009
12:03 am - magic
where is this other life?
why is there only us?
it is so lonely.
this is why i yearn for fantasy. to escape this question.
when i have no fantasy i have no choice but to ask this question.
the question brings the nightmares. the nightmares are far worse than fantasy.
THe paranoid part of mind is scared of the answer to the question.
perhaps the answer is not nice, perhaps the answer is terrible.
i fear the aliens have no fantasy, no love and no campassion.
i hope they do.
Pandoras box it would seem.
which means the greeks asked this question.
but with as few clues as we did and a...
what have we gained since the greeks but technology.
we are as good as we are going to get. perhaps we are not suited to galatic society
we are a nature reserve perhaps.
this sparks ideas of aliens and what kind of life they live, and what to the think of a race that keeps nature reserves. which is not to criticise, it means that they have some of the same values that we do and that this would means that morality is universal.
how much does the number zero matter?
how do other creatures die?
how do other creatures live?
But i shall make a game of it. The battle between hope and paranoia goes on.
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Beethoven - 9th Symphony
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February 27th, 2009
03:05 am - Whiles
It has been a fair few whiles since i last posted.
But i have given up porn for lent, so i am lacking in something to do before i goto sleep.
I have realised something. that while most men wish to get by as best they can prefering there chosen field.
I want to help usher in the next age.
Like the woman in the painting 'New York Movies' i am waiting for the picture to end so i can show them the way to the truth.
And its a good movie so i do not wish to interupt it. That said i have no qualms about being killed or killing. Although i am gonna avoid dieing in a horribly painful way.
damn, i just ran out of skins.
Things that should be noted since my last posting.
I am now a manager at Mcdonalds, which is....exciting or something.
I am still angry at the world.
I have found the beauty of Sabaton.
Uni didnt work out. going back to another course in another city next year hopefully.
Me and Soph has died forever. She got married on the day after boxing day. Which is excellent.
Oh me and Lisa had a fling of sorts, twas all very fun. That girl looks amazing naked and needs to learn to wear more skirts.
Favourite movies are now 300 and V for Vendetta.
Sabaton are my favourite band
and weed is fucking fantastic.
Current Location: Dundee
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/blank.gif) blank
Current Music: RATM - The Ghost of Tom Joad
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July 9th, 2007
02:18 am - Hmmm.
I was sitting pondering to myself, and i realised.
i have changed.
this is good.
however, i have lost the ability to communicate the depth of my thinking, so i will leave it at that.
i sometimes worry if that is a charade that even i am blinded by.
Current Location: Elysium.
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Deine lakaien - Where You are (VNV Nation Remix)
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April 21st, 2007
12:30 am - BLATANT THIEVERY!
Thieved from Evinumen
Current Music: Namnambulu - Alone. A far far cheerier song that it suggests
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12:17 am - A pickle
Tis friday night, i am alone as noone else is home and i have lost my weed.
Fuck knows where it vanished to.
Twas on the table when we where playing poker and then it toddled off to its own wee world.
This has created a problem, cos i need something to take the edge of my thoughts.
Current Music: Egotrip - Fur Mich
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April 19th, 2007
08:08 pm - :(
Despite all the coolness recently, from the seeing all the odd people dundee has to offer to getting a job and not having to leave this place.
All of this fades to black when it countenances my haunting failure, the one flaw that forever pays off.
it is in fact two fold, however if i could fix either of them, then i would be dandoi.
however, i of course have no idea how to go about either, so i am up the proverbial.
Current Location: Dundee
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/neko/kaokitty/depressed.gif) depressed
Current Music: Radio Morituri - Nightwish : Dark Chest of Wonders
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March 13th, 2007
02:42 pm - Evi Numen
Someone called Evi Numen has randomly cropped up on my friends list.
I have no idea where they have come from, however they have interesting posts.
w00t w00t
Current Music: Goethes Erben -Das Leben ist Schwer
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02:11 pm - Yup.
G'day there.
a few quick notes before i move to the real arguement of this passage.
Gianna is a Dominatrix should be a avoided at all costs, it is badly filmed, misses the point and has no pay off.
My life 5 weeks ago.
Perthshire based, jobless, naval hopeful.
My life now.
Dundee based, Jobbed, naval hopeful.
Naval thing fell through cos of the medical. i wont go into it, but i can reapply 09/08.
I spent the following weekend stoned as a fart, before going home, packing my things and coming here.
I got a hellish job in telesales, which technically i am still at, thankfully it had a nice freeform contract.
There is some minorly good news in that i now have a job at BK. which although a horrible food service job, i thinki will enjoy, i have done it before after all. and i liked it before.
Life is good, currently i am sitting around doing fuck all cos i dont start until the end of this week. So i think i am gonna have to just sit around and get baked and wait for time to gloop over me s'more.
It would be nice to get SW running again, but i have no details for Sim anymore...well i have his phone number, but i would rather speak to him online. I prefer online.
Fuck all else of note.
Current Music: R1Live (playing a song from Nachtthingie)
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January 22nd, 2007
08:56 pm - Good things
Today may very well be the turning point.
Tis not the greatest of days, as i did not goto the gym.
Went into Perf to tell the dude that i do not have 2 forms of ID, and that i can get day jobs.
And he was really appreciative of the fact that i came and told him and didnt just not turn up.
Twould seem that every time i come close to having to sponge of the state until things get better, things get better.
I then toddled off to Dundee to reapply for teh RN.
I didn't have to!!!!!
I have an interview on the 2nd of Feb, which is followed by a medical on the same day.
It means i only have two weeks to get fit, but tis doable i reckon. Or at least not impossible.
Also i got Silent Hill on DVD and a cool sounding movie called City of Lost Children about a dude who can't dream and so find of kids dreams except he scares them and so has to feed off there nightmares.
Oh and i got more inscense, thank god. I dunno what it is about this room, but i cant seem to get to smell right....that is to say i cant get it to smell Not Wrong.
Oh and the RN dude (Billy be his name i fink) said that Weapons Technicianing is indeed a good choice for an active career.
Current Music: Terminal Choice - Castles in the Sky.
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12:27 am - Nein Gut.....nein gut.
In less than a week i will be 21.
I don't want to celebrate it anymore than i want to celebrate a tuesday.
My birthday, usually a time for something approaching festivities, will consist of a meal with people i can barely tolerate and unattended by anyone else.
As with all the people i want to invite, i can see reasons as to why they would attend.
So the two people i feel i can invite, one is unable to attend due to being in edinburgh.
The other would appear to have forgotten.
That hurts, this isolation is almost bareable, as i can say to myself that as soon as i get ID and money, it will be fine.
But due to the fact that my world is so static, i had not realised that everyone else in the world has moved on, so that i am left here. Alone.
So i have to get this Navy thing, or i am utterly fucked. As i am devoid of a social life, and don't have anything to get me a job.
I think i will just have to split off and forget this life. Forget that it and the people it bothered even existed.
My childhood died to the sounds of rammstein, was catered by the Coca-Cola corporation and the entertainment was provided by Microsofts System Utilities Division.
My Youth with die to the sounds of weeping and Darkwave, It will not be catered. and the only entertainment will be tainted with its own existence.
I can only hope that my median years will be ushered in to the sound of mediocrity. After all there is so much above me, and so little below me.
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January 9th, 2007
02:58 am - All I wanna do.
All i wanna do is cry
to get it out
always about getting to the next stage
and i can never figure out how i got past the last one
There is no wall. There is only a ditch.
it's hard, ya know?
keeping it in
but letting it out is not acceptable
i am not supposed to say the things i think.
and so i cannot tell anyone that i hurt
and that i need help
i am too weak to do this alone
the world does not owe this to me
but i could be good, as good as anyone else, all i need is the help to get on my feet.
If only i could a way to just go away. To slip into the pond without making any ripples.
You know, out there. Right Now, there are people doing the things i want to do.
How the fuck did they get to that stage?
HOW?!
Dear lord how i wish i knew.
Good news.
Fatfuck pissed off. So i can now vent happily.
Sore on the arms, but good on the mindtank....or at least makes the mindtank feel better.
but i need a better knife. I don't like this one.
Too vicious looking.
the good thing is. It is too blunt to really go through the skin.
Which is handy.
anyway, i should go
Current Music: Eurocide - Gate of Tears
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December 28th, 2006
08:16 pm - HOLY SHIT A PIECE OF NEWS!
I got fired today.
Which takes one thing off my list.
Current Music: Skinny Puppy - Worlock
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December 27th, 2006
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darkyin's journal